2 {A splurge....}

I'm 22.     yet i'm such a child.


I'm insecure.        Yet i'm confident.



I want to quit this youth work job.     Mainly because no youth go to the youth centre.... I didn't sign up for little children.


I wan't to be a part of something bigger than myself.


I need time to think. to work myself out.

I need Jesus to wake up my heart.                            

I grew so close.......     
.....I drifted so far away.

I think the bible's boring. 


I really like cups of tea.

I'm starting to see God as something more than just hope.                 

I'm seeing his vengeful side.        
does that make sense? his jealously?   His right to be respected?

I have to accept this discipline. This rebuke.       I have to learn.
God is not a vending machine.
God is not a comments box.

I'm easily angered.

I say things I regret.

A friend once told me that there's only so many times I can walk away before my heart will grow hard and it won't make sense anymore. 
He was right.



God is not mine. I am his.

why do I fight it?


Why would I prefer a bottle of wine/vodka/cocktails with friends to an evening with my saviour?
Why am I ashamed to know about Jesus?
Why does admitting i'm a Christian bother me so?

Did you see that? Admitting i'm a christian - like it's a guilty pleasure. like it's saying I quite like one direction...but shh,... don't tell anyone....


and yet....

He loves me.     ( and I don't know how I feel about that.)